Family Violence

1. Why does she stay?

There are many reason why women stay in abusive relationships: Economic dependence; fear of greater physical danger to themselves and their children if they attempt to leave; fear of losing custody of children; lack of alternative housing; lack of job skills; fear of involvement in court processes; belief that partner will change; cultural and religious constraints; ambivalence and fear over making formidable life changes; social isolation resulting in lack of support from family or friends; and lack of information regarding alternatives. She Loves Him.

2. What usually happens to the abuser?

If the police are called and there is clear evidence of who the abuser is, the abuser may be arrested, regardless if the victim wants to press charges or not. A protective or restraining order may be filed to protect the victim from the abuser. If arrested, the abuser may pay a fine, be ordered into counseling, or both. Bay Area Turning Point provide the victim with advocacy, counseling, and shelter, if needed.

3. What about the children?

Sadly, in 1/3 of homes where the mother is abused, the children are also beaten. Witnessing violence causes psychological trauma similar to that of a physically abused child. Living in violent homes impedes the social and academic development of children. Violence also breeds violence that is often repeated in the next generation.

4. Do relatives help?

Often, a relative's home is the first place an abuser will look for a victim, which may place the relatives in danger. Some relatives are unable to help and many really do not understand how to help. Family violence has numerous dynamics that are generally addressed more effectively by those with specific training to do so. Victims leave about six (6) times before finally staying away-relatives may not be willing to keep helping and be overwhelmed by the crisis.

5. What is it like to live at a shelter? What do the residents do?

A shelter is like its own little community. Everyone works together to make the community a safe, clean, and positive place to live. The women attend educational recovery, and personal development classes. They learn skills relating to healthy communication, problem-solving, how to budget, effective parenting, and participate in pathways to healing from trauma. Some return to school, obtain a GED, or enter job training. Many become employed and begin to plan an independent future. Children attend school, the agency's childcare, and participate in educational and healing activities. For some of the children, it's the first time their scars and needs have been attended to. Each woman is assigned a caseworker and the child advocate assists each child.

6. Do abusers ever cause trouble at the shelter?

Typically, No. The abuser is typically non-abusive to strangers and symbols of authority. The shelter has a security system with camera monitoring. If an unwelcome visitor arrives, he/she is informed that it is a felony to trespass on a shelter property. The leave calmly 99% of the time. The shelter is within three minutes of police response. The police have been called because of unwelcome visitors, but he/she leaves prior to their arrival.

Warning Signs

Does your partner?

• Isolate you from friends and family?
• Anger easily?
• Control Finances?
• Exhibit extreme jealousy?
• Humiliate you?
• Destroy personal property?
• Threaten to hurt you, your children, or your family?
• Force you to have sex against your will?
• Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite?